Bushwhacker commandments.

[Neil]

You know how glossy magazines like to put stuff like, "Six ways to a new you" "7 tips for a stress-filled Christmas" "5 easy steps to ripped abs" and so on.

Well, I thought I'd come up with a handful of commandments for bushwhackers.

I racked my brain, reflected on my previous experiences and reviewed dozens of trip reports.

All I came up with was one commandment. Bushwhacking is so simple that all one needs to remember is this:

**** THOU SHALT DEVIATE. ****​

 

[Grumpy]

Neil, are you suggesting that bushwhackers are deviants?

G.

 

[NewHampshire]

Thou shalt not eat spruce needles....cuz your poo will smell like a CHristmas tree! (wait....actually that could be a GOOD thing I guess )

Brian

 

[sardog1]

Thou shalt wear thine eye protection, lest thou not spy the summit . . . or anything else.

 

[TMax]

Thou shalt leave any gear that has been stowed in pockets or is hanging on thoust pack behind as an offering to the forest.

Thou shalt pay penance for trespassing on untrodden earth when thou dost shower after the hike.

 

[audrey]

Thou shalt not curse mightily while inching along a blowdown far above the ground. Nobody hath made you do this.
Methinks there will be more than 7.

 

[bandana4me]

Do not show anger towards the Dog just because he can maneuver more gracefully, and patiently waits for you to catch up!

 

[marty]

Thou shalt not let me leadeth thy bushwhack quest, lest ye risk walking in the valley of eternal blowdowns

 

[Barbarossa]

Blowdowns?!? Do you guys where hair shirts while you bushwhack? The moose don't go through blowdowns. Let them show you a new path.

Call me a Moosethedist.

 

[Tom Rankin]

Thou shalt not flag!

Verily, thou shalt bring at least 2 compasses!

And let thy map be of waterproof materials!

 

[Dugan]

Thou shalt strap one's necessary prescription eyeglasses firmly to one's head.

 

[rhihn]

Thou shalt know the owner of the land, and seeketh private property permission.

 

[carole]

Don't leave your sense of humor at home.

 

[wardsgirl]

Thou shalt at all times make sure thy telescoping trekking poles are firmly torqued before proceeding through yonder scrub, lest ye lose the bottom half of one pole.

 

[Neil]

What gear thou shalt on a bushwhack take is considered expendable.

 

[Jay H]

Shouldn't the first one be:

thou shall not step foot on a trail

Jay

 

[Kevin Rooney]

Thou shalt at all times make sure thy telescoping trekking poles are firmly torqued before proceeding through yonder scrub, lest ye lose the bottom half of one pole.

Hmmm ... I found the lower section of a pole many years ago (Sept 12, 1999) heading back from Fort and am wondering if it was yours?

 

[albee]

Thou shalt obey thine GPS for verily ye will never find thine summit nor thine car without such a gift from the benevolent gods. All those who dost not follow this rule are sacrilegious heathens! Famine and pestilence shalt rain down upon thee!!

 

[Mark Schaefer]

Take heed whilst in thy wayward whacking lest ye whacketh thy fellow whacker; and lest ye be whackethed in return. Verily, beware the whacked whacker wearing a grudge.

 

[slevasse]

Thou shalt not follow me, for thou will be lost in the woods!