How do you budget "hiking time"?

[hikingfish]

Hi VFTT'ers,
Alright, here's my story: Two years ago, I started getting in shape and I started playing outside (hiking/camping). I nearly camped out every weekend and hiked at least once a week (often twice a weekend: Big hike on Sat and a post-hike hike on Sun ).

Then, I met my girlfriend. I love her to death, but unfortunately, she has a bigger non-hiking/camping life than I do Anyways, I'm now finding that I do more reading about hiking than actual hiking We always go to see my or her family, friends, etc. We have other non-hiking/camping related outings, which I'm not that fond of to be honest.

Summer hasn't even started yet and checking my calendar...I see that on Aug 25-26, I'll be able to go hike I'm writing up all kinds of fun (to me anyways) activities we could (should? hehe) do (we want to take a Nepal trek/climbing outing next year and we were told to practice our winter camping skills and I have a personal goal to improve my skiing skills), however I know we probably won't have time to do them all.

How do you VFTT'ers fit hiking into your lifes? How do you budget time and how much of it? For me, it has taken a huge part in my life because I used to be quite big (300+lbs) and I have a very hard time managing my daily food intake. So spending an active weekend burning a couple of extra thousand calories really helps me keep in shape and at a good weight. My girlfriend doesn't have that problem, and she's very career oriented (she has to work a tiny bit every now and then on the weekends)...

I'd appreciate your views / experience on similar matters!

Cheers!

Fish

 

[dvbl]

When you find the answer...bottle it, sell it, and you can retire in 2 years.

Seriously, it all comes down to how much you like her. I sense a little resentment in your post. Sorry for the brutal truth, but that will not magically go away. It comes down to this: Is the time you spend with her on weekends worth more than the time you would otherwise be in the mountains? If yes, you're lucky to have found a good one; if not, run for the tall grass.

 

[weatherman]

Might need to take the long view. Does she like to hike, but just not as frequently as you do? Is she building a career that might mature in a few years? If she's a keeper, envision whether 5 years from now she might hike more with you, or if you might enjoy more some of what she enjoys. Balance is key (HARD). Tell her up front how important hiking is to you for mental and physical health reasons, and talk together about it.

And if you find the secret, I'd pay more for a bottle of it than 25 year old Scotch. Good luck!

Weatherman

 

[griffin]

You know, it's ok to have different interests, too. So, one compromise is you agree to do some of the non-hiking/camping things she prefers and she does more of the hiking that you prefer, and the other is that you spend some weekends, etc. not doing things together.

Boundaries are good, we like boundaries

 

[Peakbagr]

Only you can truly answer a question like this. But the mountains aren't going anywhere. If I were in your position and she's 'the one', then run for her.

Like any other sport/hobby - fishing, skiing, running, biking, hiking, rockclimbing - there are those of us who get in, and others who get in far deeper. Many of the frequent posters on the boards are obsessed with hiking. I don't mean it as as knock, I know I am. I always know when I've crossed the interpersonal line of 'too much hiking' by the body language and comments from the family. Thats when its time to dial it back, and attend to the things that prowling around the hiking boards, on maps, and in the woods take you away from in real life.

I find its fun to include mutual friends who are at the same level of interest as my spouse, and set a destination for hikes that are within their comfort level. And a stop off for a nice meal or adult beverage on the way home makes a nice day of it.
When my children came along, we included them on camping, hiking and xc ski outings. Scaled to their fun levels and abilities.
As they got older, I coached 4 sports, never missed one of the school activities and never missed a game they played.
For almost a decade, my hiking dwindled to almost nothing except for the occasional spouse and friend hike.

There was light at the end of the tunnel. When they went off on their own lives, I got back in at the same level of activity, but keep my nose in the wind to be sure I'm not overdoing it and neglecting my beloved.
This is probably a lot more personal than I meant it to be, but I spend a lot of time trying to get the right balance of emotional support and household chores vs a hobby. You can also try to be involved in whatever her obsessions are.
Good luck, its a lifetime effort unless 'the one' happens to be as obsessed as you are.

Alan

 

[Neil]

Hiking is probably worse than golf for a relationship! I've seen and heard of a few relationships that have failed to weather one partner's hiking passion. I've also seen some relationships form and blossom around hiking.

It sounds like you're going to have to work this out with her.

I would recommend (since you asked ) that you make it clear that you are going to go for a dayhike once every 2 weeks and maybe an overnight once every 2 or 3 months. There is certainly nothing wrong with a relationship in which the partners are not joined at the hip. You can each cultivate personal interests independently of one another. In fact, it's healthy. Tell her I said so.

Good luck!

 

[Artex]

I've learned to refuse to date someone unless she understands that I won't compromise my running schedule for anyone, which often includes driving quite a ways for trails and mountains.

I'm also still single.

 

[pudgy_groundhog]

I'm lucky. My husband and I both share a love of the outdoors, so scheduling hiking/backpacking time isn't hard. But we do have other interests that differ. He's a rock climber, I'm not. I like going to NYC on occasion and seeing Broadway shows, etc; Steve would rather get a root canal than go to the city. So it works out that we can pursue our other interests with friends separately and we don't have to spend all of our time together.

It will get harder for us though as we're expecting a child later this year. We still plan on getting outdoors, but with modified expectations and we'll just have to see how it goes.

I'm a little surprised that you say you both want to go trekking in Nepal, but it seems the two of you don't make time to get outdoors. Does your girlfriend like hiking, but at a different level/frequency than you? Did she do any outdoor stuff before she met you? Does she say she likes hiking/wants to go hiking just to keep the peace in the relationship, but really has no intention of ever doing so?

I think ideally you have a significant other that shares interests/hobbies (especially the hobbies each is particularly passionate about, even if the significant other isn't as in to it), so you have things you both like to do and can do together. But having separate interests is good too, as long as there is an expectation that you both can pursue these interests separately.

Is your girlfriend okay with you going away for a weekend with friends to hike while she does something else? Or is the expectation that you have to spend all your weekends together? If you are together long term and you have to sacrifice your hiking, are you okay with that or will it lead to resentment?

Relationships are always hard one way or another. I hope you can find a balance that works for the two of you!

 

[grog]

If you can't do what you want when you're single, then you'll never get to do what you want.

grog

 

[rocket21]

If she likes shopping and you have small limits on your credit cards, you might try the hike-shop weekend. You day hike somewhere near North Conway, NH or Manchester, VT, while she maxes out your credit card outlet shopping. Might hurt you in the wallet, but it also might get you out of some nagging and honey-do-list-tasks.

 

[TCD]

You know you have to look at all the variables, and you have to understand that it's never going to be perfect. My wife and I share the exact same interests, right down to the balance of when we want to rock climb, ice climb, ski, snowshoe, bike, etc. So: perfect world, eh? Not so. There's still the issue of pace: I'm faster and stronger at all the sports (except downhill skiing, where we're about equal). My point in citing this is: there will always be some difference. How strong the relationship is, and how much you can compromise, are what count. On the flip side, a friend and his wife have no common sports. He does everything outdoors, she does none of it. They've been happy for decades.

Even for indivduals, there is no "one size fits all." Relationships are exponentially more complex. Feel your way, and sincerely want to get it right. Good luck.

 

[JasonPatrikz]

Balance as stated prior along with organization.

I work full time 40+ hours a week (while developing my career) and also go to college full time as well. I still hike or run 4 to 5 days a week. Granted they aren’t 20+ milers all the time as I would prefer but I have come to the realization that I might only be able to go run up one of the mountains in the Belknap range as time permits.

Similar to you my girlfriend isn’t so much into hiking so I have learned to just deal with the difference. Some times, once a month or maybe every other month she might go on a short hike. She has come to learn to that I was hiking before her and has generally accepted that I hike, except for when we haven’t had a day off together in months.

What complicates this is that she works full time and also goes to college part time. So our days off / time off together is far between. Generally if it’s a big trip it will be planned and she will know prior to it happening which makes it easier.

Now with organization, with everything that I have to do, it means that every thing is usually planned out when I will do it. But I’m also flexible to adjust as needed.

As also mentioned you will really need to see how things work for you. Look at your schedule to see where you can get time that you didn’t know you had. I hike early most days to allow for free time in the evening to do something else or to have some time with my girlfriend. Yes, 4 or 5am starts aren’t the easiest but when it is compared to not hiking I chose the early start.

Jason

 

[timmus]

Oh My ! That is not an easy one !!

Going once during all summer doesn't make sense if your are really interested in hiking. The only advice I can give to you is similar to Artex's post : Don't give up your passion because of someone else, or you will become miserable. Especially sitting at the table with the in-laws, on a saturday evening, thinking about the backpacking trip you could be doing instead.

And you should talk to your GF about it, she knows more than anyone from vftt.

Good luck.

 

[Kevin Rooney]

This is a good thread - have enjoyed the excellent advice, suggestions and personal stories.

At the risk of stating the obvious - where you are in your 'life cycle' has lots to with how much time you can spend with your passions. One of the advantages of getting older is that the kids are now on their own, you've likely accomplished many of the objectives in your career, and you begin to have more time for yourself, much like you might have in your early 20's.

My story is that health-related issues dictated a regular exercise program, and hiking provided that for me. I'm also blessed with a wife who encourages/tolerates my passion - she's an occasional hiker but leads a physically active/demanding life in a different direction as a yoga teacher. I think negotiating, finding a balance, compromising, and providing 'quid pro quo' all go a long way in getting your needs met.

Timmus made a good point - talk to the GF about it especially. Because, as an old guy at the hardware store told me today "If Mama ain't happy, then nobody's happy!". If the GF can't tolerate your hiking, then you have some difficult decisions to make.

 

[Maddy]

Oh My ! That is not an easy one !!

Going once during all summer doesn't make sense if your are really interested in hiking. The only advice I can give to you is similar to Artex's post : Don't give up your passion because of someone else, or you will become miserable. Especially sitting at the table with the in-laws, on a saturday evening, thinking about the backpacking trip you could be doing instead.

And you should talk to your GF about it, she knows more than anyone from vftt.

Good luck.

Another point I was thinking about this am is to be aware that we often think and believe that we can "change" the person we are involved with.
It's the old "once we get married, everything will be different", or when we have the baby, he/she will certainly see the light".
Simply said, "not gonna happen!"
I went through this not long ago with the son of my very best friend. He dated a young woman who had very little in common with him. He is an avid, radical terrain kind of guy, involved in tele skiing, kayaking, mt biking, snowboarding, hiking. He so desperately wanted to find someone that he could share the mountains with. I kept encouraging him to keep looking, to not settle for someone he could not share the great outdoors with except on a very limited basis. It took a number of years, but finally they parted ways for the last time.
He finally met a wonderful young teacher, who at time lived in a cabin in the Whites, also lived one year up there in a tepee, and who shared his love of the outdoors and great adventures. The wedding party took place on the summit of a peak in the Northeast Kingdom last Oct. It was incredible, camping, bonfire, and full moon. The are expecting their first little "mountaineer".
I can't begin to tell you how happy they are together. She was definitely worth the wait in more ways than one.
Best of luck to you.

 

[Pete_Hickey]

Something else to think of. People change over time. You started hiking a few years ago. That's probably not much time in relation to your life. What is to say that your (or her) passions will not change again in a few years? What then? IMO, it's important to have someone who accepts you for what you ARE, not what you DO. The latter can change with time. Barring a frontal lobotomy
the former doesn't.

 

[Oldsmores]

I've struggled with this for years. My wife backpacked with me early in our relationship, but over the years her interest waned and mine hasn't. We've been married for 27 years, and we compromise. She likes to go to the casino, I don't, so I'll send her off with her girlfriends for the weekend and sneak up to the Adirondacks. Or, I'll spend a week at the beach with her (which I'm not particularly interested in), with the understanding that I'm going to get a couple of weekends of hiking out of the deal.
It's certainly not going to get any easier for you. Marriage complicates matters, but if you have children it gets really tough - the commitments on weekends grow exponentially with kids. Mine are both grown now and I'm getting out more now than I have in years!

 

[sapblatt]

Time for a new significant other - kidding!

It is a great question with no easy answer - I am married with two young children - my wife got me into hiking but it is not as important to her now.
When I was finishing up my 48 in 2004-5 (read: I was totally obsessed) I hiked 3-4 times a month- with a one year old at home.
Our current arrangement is that I do not do overnights (very rarely) and that I hike twice a month - usually one Saturday and one weekday - the weekdays are easier to deal with as the kids are in daycare.
As they get older, we will all hike as a family more often.

 

[Mad Townie]

From the perspective of 21 years of marriage and 2 kids, now in late adolescence:

At some horrifically late time I realized that hiking isn't what I want to do--it's what I NEED to do. That made a huge difference in how much I get to hike and how I feel when I can't hike as well as when I can.

Hiking is my antidepressant and my antianxiety medication. It's a balance to work and the world's "realities." It's what makes me be able to be a better spouse and father. My spouse understands this, and she also understands that we have different needs that are important for us to meet, whether together or separately. We do many things together and share many interests, but we also go off on our own to our separate activities. So that means that I find the time to hike, maybe not whenever I need to, but fairly often by my standards.

But life can be busy, and when a person has a variety of interests life, in its unfairness, doesn't expand the amount of time we have available to engage in those interests. Oh well.

I do have to say, though, that watching my daughter dance or watching my son play lacrosse makes me feel as good, in a very different way, as standing on the summit of Adams in a howling wind and below-zero temperatures.

Wait, does that sound at all strange to anyone here?

 

[marty]

From the perspective of 21 years of marriage

Nice to know there is someone else with 21 years of marriage. We hit that milestone today

The strength of our marriage is dependent on our ability to make sure we effectively prioritize. My hiking is one of many important things and that has to be weighed against other priorities, such as basic chores, "together time", extended family considerations and care/support for our special needs daughter. If things work out, I am able to hit the trail If not, I accept that and look forward to the next time I can hike.

Once in a while, my wife will actually hit the trail with me, but she is clearly not a hiking fanatic like me

Marty