Backcountry Humour (I put a "U" in there for our Canadian Friends)

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Rick

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Avatar-Keaton (4) & Dad enjoying the snow on Wachu
This forum needs some humor - This is redneck, but it can apply...
(Please don't delete this Darren/PB or you'll leave me humorless. ;)

How about some common everyday words that can be used in the backcountry

Mayonnaise Starts off sentences such as
Mayonnaise a lotta black flies around this year!!

Initiate - Great to use when bringing wife or girlfriend on trips such as: My wife ate all the M&M's outta my Gorp, initiate my snickers bar!!!

WichaDicha - Used when speaking to a friend that shows up at the trailhead (usually late): Ya didn't bring the 2-man tent wichadicha??

get some Deet - Can be used accordingly (see Mayonnaise), or more specifically in a late afternoon hike such as in "What time did we have lunch??? I gotta stop and getsomedeet before we go any further!!!


Others?? :)
 
a few hiking terms we've come up with over the years ... feel free to add funny stuff here

angry: when mountain conditions grow grim, as when a storm passes over the peak ... "Mount Washington is looking very angry; maybe it's unhappy about the smog railway"

ASOD: Ass Shingle Of Death ... a sled that hikers slide down hiking trails on, then break their leg sliding into a tree

bail: blow something off, such as a rainy day hike, or a summit during a lightning storm

bail queen: someone who bows out at the last minute, usually with a lame excuse ... "he was going to join our hardcore backpack to the hut, but when he saw the exorbitant hut fees, he bowed out - bail queen"

bail ratio: the probability that someone will bail on you

BCDs: Birth Control Devices, or safety glasses you wear when bushwhacking to prevent eye injuries. considered birth control, because you couldn't score a date in prison with a fistful of pardons while wearing them

BSM: Boot Sucking Mud, notorious in areas such as the Adirondack High Peaks

brown trout peeking out: an uncontrollable urge to "do number two", or collect moss samples

car party: full-scale blow out with road sodas, dessert treats, rock 'n' roll, etc

car wash: pushing through wet vegetation that has grown in along a trail, similar to a car making its way through wet car mops in a drive-thru car wash

caterpillar: a conga line of hikers slowly making their way up a trail, each waiting for the hiker in front of them to take a step before they can move

chooloo: someone who delivers an unhappy meal on the trail

collect moss samples for my science project: step off trail into the woods to answer the call of nature

dangling the carrot: maintaining an interesting converstion to motivate slower hikers to keep up with you, to keep them from lagging behind. similar to dangling a carrot in front of a mule pulling a wagon, to motivate the mule to keep a pace, thinking he'll get the carrot

dfyp: don't forget your pouch !

digger: unexpected fall or faceplant

divorce court: where you'll end up if you hike without your spouse too often

eleventy-seven: a random number ("if we alter our route, we'll add eleventy-seven miles to the hike")

exploring: lost

fart tent: where you could be sleeping if you're having issues

finger sandwiches: vegan breakfast sandwiches

gription: how well one substance clings to another surface (ie: vibram soles, endorsed by Deano)

groused!: to have the crapola scared out of you when a grouse suddenly flies away when you're two feet away from it, loudly flapping it's wings

gypsy style: bathing or washing dishes in a public water supply

headfreeze: to soak your head in a river or pond, to cool down

high price center: an obnoxious hut built in a wilderness area to take advantage of wealthy folks, to enrich the ceo of the world's largest "non-profit organization"

hill billy villy: anything hickish, especially if it occurs in a rural village
ie: Uncle Jesse picnicing on a grassy knoll with Daisy Duke

holmes: to pump water with a filter, such as the Johnnie Holmes Super Pump

huge: anything that is large, such as a bergschrund or plowtruck

hypnotic clambake: a daze one can fall into while trudging along a seemingly never-ending section of a trail, similar to a noodling guitar lead by a talentless band that seems to go nowhere

I-I-I-I-I-C-E!!!: frozen water, found near race tracks or summits

idiot check: usually done while "scanning the area", after a rest break, to see if you accidentally left gear behind

KG: kayak 'gizer, or beverage you consume while kayaking

loaf shack: outhouse or privy

losing core: losing core body temperature by standing around

L&L: Lock and Load, to commit to something

MCP (marriage continuation program): spending quality time with one's (non-hiking?) spouse to "keep the home fires burning", to score points which can be redeemed for future hikes

moon the cog: the ancient sport of voicing your opinion of the smog railway, where thru-hikers gain the attention of a train full of smog railway passengers, wait for passengers to get their cameras ready, then drop their drawers to moon the cog, quick enough to avoid getting hit by chunks of coal, thrown by smog railway engineers

moose traps: scat left by peak-bagging moose

muchass gassyass: mexican for "thank you very little for unleashing toxic gas upon your fellow hikers", especially when registering on the Osceola Scale

muchass grassyass: mexican for "thanks for a fun bushwhack ... i'm still pulling pine needles out of my butt crack"

PIBE: Play It By Ear

picnic: a happy meal one might have at McDonalds in Maine, with Uncle Jesse and Daisy Duke ... picnic on a grassy knoll

pleasure bag: a toy made from a brown paper bag that you put over your head, to increase your "wilderness experience"

'pon up!: to attach crampons to hiking boots

posthole raisin bran: proud sponsor of trails you posthole on

project: a major hassle, "i'd stop for water but it'd be a project to dig it out of my pack"

PUD: Pointless Ups and Downs

road soda: a soda pop or other beverage you consume on the way to or from a trailhead

roots (the series): a warning issued to hikers that there's a series of slippery roots ahead

sacrifice to the Mountain Gods: accidentally leaving gear on the trail

save the dirt road: a movement started by folks who wanted to prevent dirt roads from being paved to retain their rustic appeal for mountain biking (ie: "she's saving the dirt road for her honeymoon")

SCP (salary continuation program): w*rking instead of hiking, in an effort to keep one's j*b, maintaining a positive cash flow

scatter gather: having gear sprawled out all over the place, unorganized

scenic route: a "short cut" that takes you longer to get where you're going than the route you should have taken

shizzy: when you decide to take a rest day during a hiking trip on a day that you were planning to hike, you're said to be "pulling a shizzy" (ie: sitting around partying instead)

sick day: any day where you and hiking buddies coincidentally come down with the same mysterious illness, curable only by a visit to Dr. <fill_in_name_of_that_day's_summit_here>

slickery: slick or slippery

stinkham crotch: a mountain pass in New Hampshire

summit fever: the frenzied urge to "conquer" every mountain in site (ie: 4ker fever)

tax return: something you file on Monadnock's Marlboro Trail

THC: Technical Hard Core, describing a WK section of trail

trailgating: hiking too close behind someone, or tailgating on a trail

tweener weeners: those who won't hike between "hiking seasons" (ie: one who won't hike a peak after march 21 because it won't "count" for Winter)

twitch: what you do when you encounter something high on the White Knuckle Scale

two-pump chump: a pre-mature chooloo, someone who does something too quickly

unhappy meal: when things aren't going your way, Buzz Kill BK Broiler Unhappy Meal with Extra Cheese, Super-Sized

ungodly early: hitting the trail early in the morning

up at the crack of noon: getting a late start on the trail

up for everything: open to suggestions on where to recreate, especially if it's on Urban Dictionary

voulez vous: would you ?

vulture: someone who waits for a snow-covered trail to be broken out by someone else, then swoops in to walk on a known broken trail

waCHOOsett: bless you, gesundheit

watered down valley: a valley in the southern Whites

white knuckle: anything that qualifies for the infamous white knuckle scale, dangerous enough to have you holding on for dear life with a white knuckle death grip

wickid hahd coah: wicked hardcore; excellent or difficult
.
 
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alpenglow: the pink color the mountains turn in winter at sunrise and sunset. Many visitors see paintings of alpenglow and don't believe it can really look like that

bearing tree: a tree identified by surveyors to help locate survey monuments, which define corners of surveyed lots or boundaries; aka witness tree

bivouac: camping in the open with improvised shelter or none at all

blaze: a mark cut or painted on a tree or rock to indicate a trail. A double blaze, one over the other, indicates either an imminent change in trail direction or a junction with another trail or road

blowdown: trail obstacle, as when a tree is blocking the trail

break trail: forge fresh tracks on a trail that hasn't been hiked recently, as when you create fresh footprints on a snowy trail

bushwhacking: to make one's way through bushes or undergrowth without the aid of a formal trail

cairn: a pile of stones to mark a summit or route

chimney: a steep, narrow cleft or gully in the face of a mountain, usually by which it may be ascended

cobble: a small stony peak on the side of a mountain

col: a pass between two adjacent peaks or a gap in a ridge

corduroy: a road, trail or bridge formed by logs laid side by side transversely to facilitate crossing swampy areas

couloir: a deep gorge or gully on a hillside

cripplebrush: thick, stunted growth at higher elevations

dike: a band of different colored rock, usually with straight, well-defined sides, formed when igneous rock is intruded into the existing rock. dikes can manifest themselves either as gullies, if the dike rock is softer (as in Colden Trap Dike), or as ridges

duck: summit cairn

duff: partly decayed vegetable matter on the forest floor. it can burn easily. burning duff has started many forest fires.

gaiters: water-proof sleeves which defer water getting your socks wet and prevent twigs from getting in your boots

gitch: gear

glissade: standing glissade is 'skiing' down a snowy trail without skis, sliding down on your boots. sitting glissade is sliding down a snowy trail on your butt

gorge: a deep narrow ravine

GORP: Good Ole' Raisins and Peanuts (trail mix)

height-of-land: a high point along a trail when you ascend from a valley; could exist at a col or summit

hoard-frost: a deposit of ice crystals that form on a cold surface exposed to moist air

hubris: overbearing pride or presumption; arrogance

inukshuk: (IN-OOK-SHOOK) meaning "in the image of man", are magnificent lifelike figures of stone which were erected by the Inuit people and are unique to the Canadian Arctic. Standing along Canada's most northern shores, they endure as eternal symbols of leadership, encouraging the importance of friendship and reminding us of our dependence upon one another.
In the Baffin region of Canada's Arctic, the traditional meaning of an Inukshuk was to act as a compass or guide for a safe journey. The Inukshuk, like ancient trackers, helped guide people seeking their way through the wilderness. An Inukshuk on land with two arms and legs means there is a valley. At the end of this valley, you will be able to go in two directions. Today, this serves as a reminder that we always have a choice in the direction we choose to take in our lives.
Erected to make the way easier and safer for those who follow, an Inukshuk represents safety and nourishment, trust and reassurance. The Inukshuk guided people across the frozen tundra and gave them hope in barren places to handle hardships they encountered. These primitive, stone images showed the way ahead... pointing you in the direction you wanted to go. Had they been able to speak, I am certain they would have said... "Here is the road. It is safe. You can meet the demands that this path holds. You can reach your goals and attain your vision of where you want to be."

junction: where two trails meet

krummholz: German for bent or twisted wood, a name as awkward and graceless as their appearance, contorted by the wind into grotesque, deformed shapes, these stunted spruce hug the ground or crouch against the lee side of boulders. somehow, they hang on. trees have an immense will to live.

lean-to: a three-sided shelter with an over-hanging roof on the open side

lichen: fungus that grows symbiotically with algae, forming a crustlike or branching growth on rocks or tree trunks

lumber road: a crude road constructed for the purpose of hauling logs

massif: large mountain mass or compact group of connected mountains forming an independent portion of a range

morraine: piles of rock left by glaciers

posthole: to break through a layer of snow, sometimes up to your hips

pulk: Norwegian word for haul sled, translated from Native Eskimo it means "s*cks to be you to have to pull walrus carcass across frozen tundra"

rail: frozen ridge of hard packed snow on a hiking trail, packed down from footsteps, left after snow on the side of trails melts

railroad grade: a flat section of trail that once served as a route for trains to access deep woods

redlining: marking trails which you have hiked on a map, with a red marker

redoubt: rock wall which shelters hikers from wind

register: a book you record names and destinations of your hiking party in at a trailhead or summit

rime ice: a coating of ice, as on trees or rock, when extremely cold water droplets freeze almost instantly on a cold surface

scat: feces left by deer, moose, bear, dogs, people, etc

scree: loose rock debris covering a slope; sloping mass of rocks at base of a cliff

shoulder: a minor alternate summit, angling off from a true summit

socked in: covered by clouds

spruce trap: a pocket of air hidden beneath snow-covered branches which causes postholing

stinging nettles: formic acid and histamine cause the characteristic sting from the common nettle. juice from the plant is one of the remedies to counteract the sting. yellowdock or curly dock can also be used to antidote the sting as can rosemary, mint and sage.

summit: the highest level or degree that can be attained

sweep: taking "sweep" means assuming last position in a line of hikers making sure no one gets lost or loses gear

talus: a sloping mass of rock debris at the base of a cliff

tote road: a better (than lumber) road constructed in connection with logging operations and used for hauling supplies to a lumber camp, etc. often built with corduroy, many of these roads are still evident after 80 years, and are often used as the route for present-day trails

trail: a marked or beaten path, as through wilderness

trail magic: long-distance hikers call trail magic, this incredible generosity that finds you like a magnet in the middle of nowhere

trail maintenance: maintaining trails, as to remove blowdowns, create channels to reduce water erosion, build stairs, etc

trailhead: the place where a trail begins

undercast: a condition where a summit rises above surrounding clouds, almost like an island rising above the sea

undermine: condition where an air gap exists beneath snow, potentially dangerous if you step above it

vlei: a marsh or swampy meadow (pronounced "vly")

yurt: a communal tent

Wanderlust: a word derived from German, roughly translating as "love of travel" in English. One of the words comprising "Wanderlust" is "wandern", a verb meaning roughly "to hike", although it is different from the English sense of the word. The German word "wandern" is more akin to a leisurely, highly enjoyable jaunt in the outdoors, while the English connotation of "to hike" is more akin to something that's strenuous, difficult and challenging. "Lust" is fairly obvious for English speakers, meaning something akin to "love" or "desire", although the word in German also has the connotation of "delight" or "zest". Wanderlust is a cultural attribute of the Germans that should become readily apparent to anyone who spends any amount of time in Germany. The Germans, as a people, love the outdoors and highly value pristine, undisturbed natural surroundings, and attempt to keep human disturbances to a minimum. It's not uncommon for one to see regional trains in Germany on weekends packed with hikers wearing their Wanderschuhe. To the English speaker, wanderlust means something close to having the itch to travel, to get out and see the world. It's not quite the same as in German, but the ideas of embracing an urge to get outside and move are roughly equivalent.
 
And let's not forget..."floaties"
Those unexplained bits of whatever floating in the top of your beverage of choice. You can fish 'em out with your finger,or use the "don't ask..don't tell' policy and just drink 'em!
I'll bet pine needles are probably full of vitamiins and stuff that's good for you! :D
 
Ah, I haven't been here in a while....

How about:

Sausage fingers: swelling of the fingers toward the end of a long hike such that they don't bend well and your wedding ring gets really tight, (I think) due to the constant centrifugal force of swinging your arms which pushes the blood out to the ends of your extremities.

Farmer blow: the way we blow our noses in the woods when we hope nobody is looking, and can take the form of blowing and then wiping with leaves, with fingers, with a shirt, or not wiping at all.
 
Farmer blow: the way we blow our noses in the woods when we hope nobody is looking, and can take the form of blowing and then wiping with leaves, with fingers, with a shirt, or not wiping at all.
Also commonly known as the ubiquitous "snot-rocket." Plug one nostril, exhale forcefully while leaning torso slightly forward and inclining head slightly back, enabling the projectile to clear any protruding body parts, clothing, gear, etc.

"Snapback!"- word called out to warn the guy who may be following too closely that a limb is coming back his way after it follows your forward progress.
 
collect moss samples for my science project

Nice. I like to "step into the woods and look for golf balls" myself.

In more civilized surroundings a friend of mine excuses himself to go "point Percy at the porcelain".
 
I was sitting at a redlight once behind a Halrey Davidson Hawg. The back of the guys' shirt read "If you can read this, my B*tch fell off". I remember laughing a good long time at that one.

Then I got to thinking it I could get a t-shirt made up for backpacking -

"If you can read this..."

...My pack fell off
...I've was robbed
...I'm slackpacking
...I'm totally unprepared
...My other half is the packmule
...You're haven't reached true backcountry yet

Anybody have anymore funny endings that would look good on a backpacker shirt??
:D
 
Hurk it up! :To start one's stove

Thogg it down:To stuff one's face with food

That's a hoof: a long hike

That was a "Cruise" :an easy or fast hike

Scratch: to climb a rocky bald summit

Self support System: an overnight backpack.

Bomber: a solid foot or hand hold
 
Rick said:
"If you can read this..."

:D

...you're getting too close to the exhaust :D

...oh, you're lost too ;)
 
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cansee

Cansee - unit of measure of distance. "How far to the summit"? "4 cansee's. Go up this way, as far as you cansee. Take a left and go as far as you cansee..."
 
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