The Feathered Hat
Active member
With his usual unlimited kindness, Jeremy -- rocket21 -- offered to teach a member of his father's generation (me) what I really need to know to navigate the tricky, convoluted routes and byways of contemporary American culture. According to Rocket, if one is not conversant with the plot details of every episode of Arrested Development and the U.S. version of The Office, you can hardly call yourself an American anymore. And just out of the goodness of his heart, he told me, he'd throw in not just recaps of the very best bits from the Howie Carr show but would also teach a private workshop in "That's what she said" jokes. He proposed to give this all-day seminar during a south-to-north traverse of the Bonds.
As it happened, I wanted to do that very traverse. I hadn't ever been up to the Bonds and now I had a very good reason for getting up there. I mean: an introduction to Arrested Development from an expert!
After spotting a car at Zealand Road, we got underway from Lincoln Woods at about 6:40 a.m. The morning light on the Wilderness Trail was beautiful...
...and very soon the teaching began. First, Rocket demonstrated the proper hands-in-pocket, knock-kneed technique for climbing the Bondcliff Trail:
So up the trail we went, banging knees (that's what she said) and crossing streams and discussing the merits of Dennis Eckersley in the NESN booth versus Jerry Remy. Though my pocket watch said we'd taken two hours to climb the Bondcliff Trail up to the peak, it seemed like no time at all. I must admit I was a little surprised when Rocket said, "The real problem with the Bonds is no views. None at all."
After getting the obligatory Bondcliff photos -- Rocket, by the way, gave me a two-for-five-dollars deal; what a pal! -- we headed up to the big boy, Mt. Bond. At the summit Rocket had another lesson for me: proper presidential pitching technique. "First, make sure you're wearing mom jeans. Then, throw only with your arm, not your full body, like this. See? Just like a... just like a... well, just like."
After working on our presidential pitches for a while, we then moved on to West Bond and a leisurely lunch with a couple of guys from north of Boston, and took time to admire the view from the summit. "Like I said," Rocket commented. "The views are totally pathetic up here.":
Rocket then had another surprise for me. Apollo 11 didn't really land on the moon, he said. The whole thing was totally faked. "Hey, I'm not the kind of person who believes in tinfoil hats or grassy-knoll conspiracies, but that giant step for mankind?" he said. "It actually happened on the summit of Mt. Guyot":
I thought about that for a long while. Could it be? Rocket said he'd called it in to the Howie Carr show, so it had to be true. And he had been right, dammit, about Julio Lugo -- good riddance, Telephone Man! I was still pondering the mystery of it when we reached Mt. Zealand and Rocket handed me a sheet of paper. "For you," he said. "Congratulations."
It had been quite a day. I learned that Dwight was only 99% sure it wasn't the real Benjamin Franklin at the office party. I learned why Jeffrey Tambor was having such a good time in prison. I learned why Howie Carr has to wear a big shoe. And I learned that sweet, gentle, mild-mannered Canadians named Bear tell the raunchiest that's-what-she-said jokes. But I had one thing to show Rocket. He'd given me so much this fine day, how could I not share with him the secret location of the magic White Mountain brook that flows with pure PBR?
More photos:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/99682097@N00/sets/72157621921034270/
Steve B
The Feathered Hat
[email protected]
As it happened, I wanted to do that very traverse. I hadn't ever been up to the Bonds and now I had a very good reason for getting up there. I mean: an introduction to Arrested Development from an expert!
After spotting a car at Zealand Road, we got underway from Lincoln Woods at about 6:40 a.m. The morning light on the Wilderness Trail was beautiful...
...and very soon the teaching began. First, Rocket demonstrated the proper hands-in-pocket, knock-kneed technique for climbing the Bondcliff Trail:
So up the trail we went, banging knees (that's what she said) and crossing streams and discussing the merits of Dennis Eckersley in the NESN booth versus Jerry Remy. Though my pocket watch said we'd taken two hours to climb the Bondcliff Trail up to the peak, it seemed like no time at all. I must admit I was a little surprised when Rocket said, "The real problem with the Bonds is no views. None at all."
After getting the obligatory Bondcliff photos -- Rocket, by the way, gave me a two-for-five-dollars deal; what a pal! -- we headed up to the big boy, Mt. Bond. At the summit Rocket had another lesson for me: proper presidential pitching technique. "First, make sure you're wearing mom jeans. Then, throw only with your arm, not your full body, like this. See? Just like a... just like a... well, just like."
After working on our presidential pitches for a while, we then moved on to West Bond and a leisurely lunch with a couple of guys from north of Boston, and took time to admire the view from the summit. "Like I said," Rocket commented. "The views are totally pathetic up here.":
Rocket then had another surprise for me. Apollo 11 didn't really land on the moon, he said. The whole thing was totally faked. "Hey, I'm not the kind of person who believes in tinfoil hats or grassy-knoll conspiracies, but that giant step for mankind?" he said. "It actually happened on the summit of Mt. Guyot":
I thought about that for a long while. Could it be? Rocket said he'd called it in to the Howie Carr show, so it had to be true. And he had been right, dammit, about Julio Lugo -- good riddance, Telephone Man! I was still pondering the mystery of it when we reached Mt. Zealand and Rocket handed me a sheet of paper. "For you," he said. "Congratulations."
It had been quite a day. I learned that Dwight was only 99% sure it wasn't the real Benjamin Franklin at the office party. I learned why Jeffrey Tambor was having such a good time in prison. I learned why Howie Carr has to wear a big shoe. And I learned that sweet, gentle, mild-mannered Canadians named Bear tell the raunchiest that's-what-she-said jokes. But I had one thing to show Rocket. He'd given me so much this fine day, how could I not share with him the secret location of the magic White Mountain brook that flows with pure PBR?
More photos:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/99682097@N00/sets/72157621921034270/
Steve B
The Feathered Hat
[email protected]
Last edited:
Wicked sweet report. *note to self, must hike with these people*
