The one issue none of us seems to have solved is parking. I wish that wasn't such a bottleneck, because all of the other great suggestions rely on finding a place to park. I know getting up REALLY early generally circumvents the issue, but it's just...harder...especially with kids.
Peakbagger, your historical perspective is super helpful, and I've thought about that a bit. I wonder if parking was an issue then? I started hiking somewhere in the 90's, so the earlier overcrowding was before my time. Also, for better or worse, I think clearing spots in the back country was less frowned upon back in the day. I'm not arguing this is good practice, just suggesting it possibly opened up other possibilities. My not-completely-scientific inkling is that people just have more time and more money these days, and gear is a lot better. So there are more people everywhere in the woods. I wonder if this current crowd issue is inherently different than the one that happened 40 yrs ago. As an analogy, I surfed a lot (in Rhode Island) when I lived in CT, late 90's. At the time, not many people on the east coast surfed, but for a variety of reasons it became much more accessible, and known breaks became extremely crowded, secret spots were revealed on the internets, and everyone and their mother was there for the dawn session if there was even a hint of a swell. Some old timers thought it was just a fad, and everyone would move on to some other hobby in a couple of years. But 20 years later, that hasn't happened. Again, just my intuition, but I don't think the current crowding issue on the trails is going away. Sierra, more and more I'm adopting your mantra of just keeping to myself. It used to be that EVERYONE stopped to say hello and share stories on the trail, but that process is disappointing more often than not these days. Probably best to let it go.
Skiguy, I like your idea of developing a new skill in the woods and 'upping my game.' I approached hiking that way for...ever, but now I'm a little bit stuck since I've got young kids and am fairly risk-averse at this stage. My rock rack has been collecting dust for going on 10 years now, and there's no way I'd trust any of the soft goods. I took an ice climbing workshop about 5 yrs ago. Loved it, but like with rock climbing, it's difficult to get away from serious risk unless you're really committed. In my opinion, it's hard to be a safe part-time climber. I've thought a bit about back country skiing, but the truth is I love ski area skiing. [Another opportunity for y'll to break out the flamethrowers, if you so desire
] Maybe I need to get into bush craft and/or hunting.
All of this being said, I think with modest changes to my approach (with my kids and with the crowds), there's still fun to be had, and thanks again for all of the thoughtful responses. This has been a fun exercise in the absence of actually being able to hike right now. I'm going to spend some time looking at maps and finding some features I'm psyched to explore. Where there's a will, there's a way! Parking is not an insurmountable challenge for a person with sufficient motivation.