Mats Roing
New member
It was Tuesday February 9th and my brother Hans and I had been talking about doing a hike and see the sunset over the Pacific Ocean. He felt unusually well this afternoon so the timing was good. It took about 1/2 hour to get him dressed and moved over to the wheelchair. This was my seventh day with him at the hospital in Tijuana, Mexico. Two months earlier he had been diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer and been recommended to move to a hospice since the doctors in the US of A said there was no hope. Somehow we were now at an alternative cancer treatment center called Oasis of Hope: http://www.oasisofhope.com/
We rolled out of the room and took the elvator down to the lobby where we met an Italian couple who had just come back from an afternoon walk to the beach. He was getting treatment for cancer in his spine and kidneys. It was the first time Hans was outside since he came to the hospital eight days earlier. The wind was pretty strong but the sun was helping out warming us up a bit. The first obstacle on this hike was to cross this highly trafficated main street with a couple of lanes in each direction. In Mexico it seems like traffic lights doesn't have a real impact on whether or not the cars moves. So we had to wait for a while until there was an opening from both ends and then go for it. The road was graded here since a curve so we had to go uphill to the other side......a whopping couple of vertical feet probably......and the steepest part of this hike overall. Then we needed to circumvent the bull fighting arena where a few horses were eating grass in the parking lot. No bullfighting today though.....we were now on a sidestreet leading straight to the beach. On our left were a number of bars and restaurants which were mostly closed this time of the day. We saw a sign for an apartment for rent and speculated if it was a good place for Hans to move in to once he got better. The coco nut stand was still open where my sister, Hans' best friend Armando and I got a freshly cut one we brought back to Hans over the weekend. His apettite was highly compromised since the cancer had affected his digestive system.
There is a platform overlooking the beach and the islands a few miles further out in the ocean. The usual three US border patrol helicopters were hovering in the distance. The sun was going to disappear in 45 minutes or so and the sky had started turn into beautiful purple shades. We didn't say anything for a while. The wind was blowing in his hair and he was getting a bit cold. I offered to switch jackets with him since mine had a hood and was a bit insulated. He leaned forward in the wheelchair so the jacket would go all the way down on his back. I put his jacket on and we were quiet for a bit longer......it was a bit like - now I had to carry his jacket going forward........we didn't know that this was going to be the last time we were both together outside and my brother never left the hospital again after our "hike". We had the sun in our back when we headed back the 1/3 of a mile to the hospital. Passed by the lady who sold clothes right out of her minivan by the street. She smiled at us.
We had one more crux on the hike to cross main street....this time we had better views of the road since we came from the other side of the curve.....and we had two vertical feet on our side ;-) We rolled by the palm trees in front of the hospital and rolled in to the lobby. Stopped by and talked with the cute receptionist but Hans was exhausted from the hike and we hurried upstairs. After he got back in bed he slept for several hours. Two days later his internal bleedings started and he was more and more in and out of consciousness the remainder of his days. Those times he was alert and awake we were able to talk about a few things which I had to communicate to him (regarding his medical condition) and a few things which were a bit deeper. Some of the harder things was to inform what the doctor told me. My brother was never afraid to die though and when I told him that he couldn't count on being alive for more than three weeks he was very calm and said "Well, that changes the plans quite a bit". A few days before he passed away I had to tell him that his liver could fail at any moment and if the angels come to get him......he should go with them. I couldn't hold my tears back but Hans was calm and told me "it's OK Mats, it's OK".
Right across the hallway in the hospital there were two brothers from England. The older brother, Bob, 32 years old, had terminal lung cancer which had spread to the brain. His younger brother was there looking after him. Bob had a 10-week old and a 4-year old back in England with his wife. I'm still in contact with Bob - he calls himself "One-Lung Bob" in his e-mails. It was interesting that we came from different parts of the world and ended up across the hallway from each other in very similar situations.
Something which struck me at the hospital was the beautiful atmosphere. The love and care felt from the employees and the patients were out of this world. We are sitting around a dinner table and four of them are terminally ill and we are having a jolly good time. This Canadian guy I became friends with had melanoma like I had......his melanoma had spread though and he was expected to live another 4 months. Also became friends with a couple from Worcester, MA. Unreal comradery.........and did I say there were cute nurses
After lunch on February 19th, my brother and I talked about the next treatment plan. He asked me to call Laura who was in charge of his finances. I had just talked with her about it and he still had enough money to continue the treatment. He was always focused on how to be victorious and overcome things in life.....and was so until the end. And how do we really know what "victory" really means? Is it to never give up hope and always fight the good fight which the real victory? Four hours later he started to develop what seemed to be another convulsion.......it was however his liver who had stopped functioning......he never regained consciousness and his heart stopped beating at 11:14pm that evening. I went to the doctor on the floor and told her my brother just passed away. She asked me if they should perform CPR.........I told them "no"........I found a beautiful purple table cloth in the cafeteria to drape my brother in...the same beautiful color as the sunset we watched together 9 days earlier during our last hike.........
We rolled out of the room and took the elvator down to the lobby where we met an Italian couple who had just come back from an afternoon walk to the beach. He was getting treatment for cancer in his spine and kidneys. It was the first time Hans was outside since he came to the hospital eight days earlier. The wind was pretty strong but the sun was helping out warming us up a bit. The first obstacle on this hike was to cross this highly trafficated main street with a couple of lanes in each direction. In Mexico it seems like traffic lights doesn't have a real impact on whether or not the cars moves. So we had to wait for a while until there was an opening from both ends and then go for it. The road was graded here since a curve so we had to go uphill to the other side......a whopping couple of vertical feet probably......and the steepest part of this hike overall. Then we needed to circumvent the bull fighting arena where a few horses were eating grass in the parking lot. No bullfighting today though.....we were now on a sidestreet leading straight to the beach. On our left were a number of bars and restaurants which were mostly closed this time of the day. We saw a sign for an apartment for rent and speculated if it was a good place for Hans to move in to once he got better. The coco nut stand was still open where my sister, Hans' best friend Armando and I got a freshly cut one we brought back to Hans over the weekend. His apettite was highly compromised since the cancer had affected his digestive system.
There is a platform overlooking the beach and the islands a few miles further out in the ocean. The usual three US border patrol helicopters were hovering in the distance. The sun was going to disappear in 45 minutes or so and the sky had started turn into beautiful purple shades. We didn't say anything for a while. The wind was blowing in his hair and he was getting a bit cold. I offered to switch jackets with him since mine had a hood and was a bit insulated. He leaned forward in the wheelchair so the jacket would go all the way down on his back. I put his jacket on and we were quiet for a bit longer......it was a bit like - now I had to carry his jacket going forward........we didn't know that this was going to be the last time we were both together outside and my brother never left the hospital again after our "hike". We had the sun in our back when we headed back the 1/3 of a mile to the hospital. Passed by the lady who sold clothes right out of her minivan by the street. She smiled at us.
We had one more crux on the hike to cross main street....this time we had better views of the road since we came from the other side of the curve.....and we had two vertical feet on our side ;-) We rolled by the palm trees in front of the hospital and rolled in to the lobby. Stopped by and talked with the cute receptionist but Hans was exhausted from the hike and we hurried upstairs. After he got back in bed he slept for several hours. Two days later his internal bleedings started and he was more and more in and out of consciousness the remainder of his days. Those times he was alert and awake we were able to talk about a few things which I had to communicate to him (regarding his medical condition) and a few things which were a bit deeper. Some of the harder things was to inform what the doctor told me. My brother was never afraid to die though and when I told him that he couldn't count on being alive for more than three weeks he was very calm and said "Well, that changes the plans quite a bit". A few days before he passed away I had to tell him that his liver could fail at any moment and if the angels come to get him......he should go with them. I couldn't hold my tears back but Hans was calm and told me "it's OK Mats, it's OK".
Right across the hallway in the hospital there were two brothers from England. The older brother, Bob, 32 years old, had terminal lung cancer which had spread to the brain. His younger brother was there looking after him. Bob had a 10-week old and a 4-year old back in England with his wife. I'm still in contact with Bob - he calls himself "One-Lung Bob" in his e-mails. It was interesting that we came from different parts of the world and ended up across the hallway from each other in very similar situations.
Something which struck me at the hospital was the beautiful atmosphere. The love and care felt from the employees and the patients were out of this world. We are sitting around a dinner table and four of them are terminally ill and we are having a jolly good time. This Canadian guy I became friends with had melanoma like I had......his melanoma had spread though and he was expected to live another 4 months. Also became friends with a couple from Worcester, MA. Unreal comradery.........and did I say there were cute nurses
After lunch on February 19th, my brother and I talked about the next treatment plan. He asked me to call Laura who was in charge of his finances. I had just talked with her about it and he still had enough money to continue the treatment. He was always focused on how to be victorious and overcome things in life.....and was so until the end. And how do we really know what "victory" really means? Is it to never give up hope and always fight the good fight which the real victory? Four hours later he started to develop what seemed to be another convulsion.......it was however his liver who had stopped functioning......he never regained consciousness and his heart stopped beating at 11:14pm that evening. I went to the doctor on the floor and told her my brother just passed away. She asked me if they should perform CPR.........I told them "no"........I found a beautiful purple table cloth in the cafeteria to drape my brother in...the same beautiful color as the sunset we watched together 9 days earlier during our last hike.........
