You forgot to mention pointed sticks and bananas!
(Fourth Man) Like someone who attacks you with a pointed stick?
(RSM) (scornfully) Pointed sticks? Ho, ho, ho. We want to learn how to defend ourselves against pointed sticks, do we? Getting all high and mighty, eh? Fresh fruit not good enough for you eh? Well I'll tell you something my lad. When you're walking home tonight and some great homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don't come crying to me! Now, the passion fruit. When your assailant lunges at you with a passion fruit, thus... (demonstrates)
(All) We've done the passion fruit.
(RSM) What?
(First Man) We've done the passion fruit.
(Second Man) We done oranges, apples, grapefruits.
(Third Man) Whole and segments.
(Second Man) Pomegranates, greengages.
(First Man) Grapes, passion fruit.
(Second Man) Lemons.
(Third Man) Plums.
(First Man) Yes, and mangoes in syrup.
(RSM) How about cherries?
(All) We done them.
(RSM) Red and black?
(All) Yes.
(RSM) All right then...bananas!
(All) Oh.
(RSM) We haven't done them, have we?
(All) No.
(RSM) Right! Bananas! How to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. (to first man) Here, you, take this. (throws him a banana) Now, it's quite simple to defend yourself against the banana fiend. First of all, you force him to drop the banana, next, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him helpless.
(Second Man) Suppose he's got a bunch.
Sorry. Couldn't resist.
JohnL