How do the men that use this site get their wives/gf to "allow" them to hike?

[BrentD22]

How do the men that use this site get their wives/gf to "allow" them to hike?

When I say "allow" I mean - For them not to get mad that you are leaving them with the kids.

I need to hike, but my wife is not into it. She says it's not fair. Well just cause she doesn't want to go why should I loose out?

Please give me some real life suggestions!

 

[Steve-O-former]

Well, the girlfriend is in California at the moment, so I can hit the NH trails when I want. I'll be joining her shortly now that I've found a job out there, but no worries for my hiking future, she also enjoys the outdoors as much as I do and California is a big state with plenty of new trails to explore.

I found out she liked/tolerated hiking when I took her on one of my death marches. We left Crawford Notch and proceded up to Clinton and Pleasant (Pierce and Eisenhower) and then continued over the ridge to Monroe. After lunch at Lakes we hit the Dry River Trail. A complete misnomer; the "river" part was correct, but it wasn't "dry" and it was more of a swamp than a "trail."
She held up beautifully and she came away with a new respect for wilderness and the outdoors. We spent the night completely alone at the Dry River Shelter listening to the sounds of the river and of rain drumming on the roof.

Call me demented/sadistic, but I am a firm believer of testing girlfriends in this manner. I took a former girlfriend of mine up the Garfield Trail to the tentsite of the same name; a short walk --moderate at best -- that pales in comparison to the afformentioned hike. By the time we got to the tentsite I was being asked questions like: "How did you think this could be fun for me?!" and assaulted with "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" Needless to say, that relationship didn't work out...

 

[Mike Gilhooly]

Compromise

Ask your wife what she is passionate about, and help her to acheive it. This way you can both support each other in your pursuits of things/activities. This would put the fairness back into the equation. Don't tell her about your lists. This just keeps her mad inbetween hikes.

The key, Compromise, Compromise and then do soom more compromiseing. Things will be fine.

Mike G.

 

[ajtiv]

Compromise is the key
I hike solo when I am going distances my kids are not able to do.
If I hike 10 day hikes, I balance my wife's displeasure with taking my kids camping on the weekends 5 times. She gets the same down time from the kids to do what she wants to do; see friends, read books, watch movies I would not want to and so on.
It has worked out for the last three years and counting.
As my kids are getting older and into their own activities the above I hope will hold true but the quantity of outings will diminish due to our involvement with our kids schedules.
Good luck but compromise and see waht works for your family
Al

 

[Barry Sr]

1. My wife, (Catherine the Great) lets me go as long as I am
taking my son out of the city for some woodsy stuff. She will
even attend a day hike or two given the time.

2. Suffer, I mean go with her to shop or on a business trip.
I have endured many a night in a 5 star hotel in Miami just
to make her happy.

3. Tell her to shut up and get you a beer!
(did I say that out loud?)

 

[jbrown]

When I say "allow" I mean - For them not to get mad that you are leaving them with the kids.

My first step is: don't have kids.
This is not a permanent solution. We will eventually have kids, I think.

My second step is: guilt. I loved hiking before we dated, and now that we are married she tolerates my absences because she would be the only reason that I wouldn't go, i.e. she would feel guilty about keeping me from doing something I love. I try and keep it short too, 3-4 days max.

 

[sp1936]

Allow? My wife insists. She says that I'm a lot easier to get along with when I get out regularly.

Steve

 

[snowshoe]

It is not an easy thing. My wife enjoys the outdoors but only for an hour. She gets bored very easy. Even if it is to something like waterfalls or great views. An hour is her limit no matter what. What I found works is I usually will do a morning hike and be back by noon. Then I can spend the rest of the day with her. This is easy for me to do since I live close to hiking trails. 1 or 2 times a month I get out to the Catskills as well. I dont have to worry about the overnight backpacks because I do maybe 1 a year. Thats an easy choice, I can sleep with a smelly person or my wife, thats a tough one

ALthough recently It has been hard because my wife is expecting in July and she has been getting in this lonley stage. Im sure she will be upset this Friday night and saterday when I do the Devils Path hike. But at least that lonley stage is not permenant.

Like everyone says compromise is the key.

 

[JohnL]

Steve,

You took the words right out of my mouth. Even on weekends when I don't have any hiking plans, she will sometimes tell me to go hiking. Love, understanding and selflessness go a long way. We don't keep score on how many times each of us gets to do what they want. Life is long. Things have a way of evening out.

JohnL

 

[Tuco]

There are 3 types of things we do in our family. Stuff my wife does alone, stuff I do alone and stuff we do with the kids. As long as we keep a delicate balance to what we do everybody is happy. My wife happens to be great and would probably let me go everyweekend, but I won't because of the kids (wife and kids HATE hiking, go figure). Some day we'll hopefully add category 4, stuff the wife and I do alone, away without bringing the kids. But that another story.

 

[Jay H]

Solution, stay single and spent the majority of every waking minute either in the woods or working on projects that get you in the woods..

Plus, I bet there are also women on this site whose boyfriend/husband aren't into the outdoors too.

Snowshoe, the Devil's Path is a charity event.. not a hike!, don't tell anybody.



Soon, we have to do Lone and Rocky as another event for "charity"....

Jay

 

[ADackR]

well I'm sure me wifey will poston this one.. Sara, is just about in love with the outdoors as I am, maybe not as much but we are in the woods camping, hiking, canoeing, mtn. biking or what ever almost every weekend. in fact that last two trips she has suggested. it's great, what's really surprised me as of late is when sunday comes and we are at the trail head packing up the car getting ready to leave she is already asking what we are going to do next weekend..

we both live for the outdoors and when we have children we plan on taking them out with us....

this all started a couple years ago when we both got into hiking together... we caught the bug and haven't been able to get rid of it..

good luck you guys, sorry to rub salt further into the wound(SP??) but i have it great!!!!

 

[KenC]

Like John L and SP, I'm pretty fortunate. My wife is very understanding and knows i need a regular "fix" of the outdoors! She'll actually tell me i'm getting too "Twitty" and to plan a hike!!!

Big difference is we've been married 26 years and the kids are grown so she enjoys the dogs and her garden when i'm out hiking. I'm no fool though... I still plan day's and weekends that she enjoys.

There's always North Conway and a credit card

 

[WalksWithBlackflies]

Comprimise is good, but you have to be prepared... always have a reason or twelve at your disposal. Heavy manual labor works best... something she wouldn't be capable of doing. For example, I just remodeled our bathroom, cut firewood, and installed an electric fence to protect her strawberry plants... those tasks should get me through the summer

Actually, my wife is supportive of my hiking, and will go on some of my tamer pursuits. Keeps me in shape and gets me out of her hair. She's not wild about my solo winter hikes or my extended week-long hikes, but she realizes that I could just as easily be into drugs, gambling, etc. Today is our 4th anniversary... LOVE YOU HONEY!

 

[SherpaKroto]

Tough one. I get a lot of grief about my hiking, but still get to hike about 40 days a year. My wife wonders why I would rather spend time with my hiking friends than with her and the kids (but then when I'm home, I hardly see any of them). When I hike solo, she really shakes her head. She really does not understand the feeling I get when I'm in the woods, on a trail, or on a summit. I knew she was a city girl when I married her, and have spent 25 years putting a little country into her. We've gotten to the point where she gets to spend the entire summer in our cabin in Maine, so that really helps. I also try hard to be attentive to what she and the family want and need when I am not hiking, so that when I want to go, there is nothing that needs attention immediately.

What it really comes down to is that she knows what I get like when I've not been out for a few weeks... and then she tells me to go- now

Brent, it gets easier as the kids get older. Just don't neglect the wife, that's when she'll need you most. In the meantime, trade off a hiking day for a free day for your wife (that works extremely well with me). Best advice I can give you is to plan everything well in advance. That way you will also plan more family activities, and the hiking won't stick out. Surprises/short notice are the toughest trips to pull off for me. The earlier I make my plans known, the easier they are to do. (i.e., June BSP, July ADK, August LT, and Sept Catskill trips all planned long ago. Re-reading that, I just realized how lucky I am! Better start planning October!)

 

[poison ivy]

I'm in the opposite situation -- my husband doesn't really enjoy hiking (not to the extent I do) and I actually started hiking after we got married. Fortunately for me, he is very encouraging and supportive of my hiking addiction (and has spent hours driving to pick me up at remote trailheads.)

I think balance is key ... I encourage him to get out and do things he loves but I'm not too fond of (golf for instance.) If I'm going hiking for the whole weekend, we plan to do something together on Fridays before I go and its his choice.

The other thing that works well is that we're in the process of remodeling our house and Dave loves to do projects himself. If I'm home, I'm constantly bugging him about whether he knows what he's doing when he's ripping things down... it's really better for both of us if I'm away while he's working on that kind of stuff. (Came home from one hiking trip to learn he accidentally started a brush fire in the yard.... was so glad I wasn't there to witness that!!!)

If you can find a compromise that allows your wife to do something she loves, then hopefully you can work it all out.

- Ivy

 

[Puma concolor]

My wife really isn't into the outdoors, but she knows what a big part of who I am is wrapped up in the mountains. To that end she is supportive of my pursuits even though she doesn't share my love of the hills. But the most important thing to remember is that it is a two way street. If you're running off into the woods and leaving her with the kids, reciprocate the favor. I tend to be a pest in terms of getting my wife to do her own things. It's almost like an investment in the outdoors. Last month, she went to Florida for several days to visit a friend (female, I think ... I hope) while I watched the kids. A week later, I was off on a state highpointing trip while she watched the kids. Next month, we do our yearly family vacation. It's all about striking a balance ... don't lose the individual in the couple or in the family.

 

[Danielle]

From reading the posts above, I guess my husband Ryan and I are super lucky! I can't imagine hiking or backpacking without Ryan. I did hike without him a few times a few years back when he had knee troubles, and it wasn't half as much fun. Althought I love hiking and backpacking and the views and the pain and suffering and the accomplishment it gives me, that is only part of it. Being together is what makes it special for me.

We enjoy the outdoors and hiking and backpacking, running and cross country skiing and telemarking together. Granted he's a better runner and skier than I, so we don't always do those things together, but 99% of the time we're outside, we're together.

Of course, at this point we have no kids, but I hope and imagine that if we ever do have kids, our outdoors experience will still be important and we'll make a great effort to get out there and enjoy the trails and woods together, with baby and kids in tow.

Men, I wish you luck and for those of you who don't hike with your wife or girlfriend, I wholeheartedly agree with the posts above that make note of compromise and the give and take that makes relationships work

Happy Hiking!
-Danielle

 

[Silverback]

Patience, my son! Some of the keys have already been said, compromise, trade-offs, etc. The real key is to build a trusting, secure relationship that needs time to grow. Both must feel equal partnership in the marriage. Perhaps she feels tied down to the child and (incoming), especially since she is the one to have to carry them for nine months, while you can get away from that. Make sure that you are carrying your load at home. Not just the heavy "man" stuff like building, hunting and gathering, but the "softer" stuff like dishes and laundry. (NOTE: I only use these descriptors to reflect "traditional" viewpoints. I do not personally feel that any task is gender specific. Please do not call me, Oprah or Dr. Phil, or flame me in any way. Thank you.) When each partner feels equal and interchangable, then each partner will feel more comfortable letting the other pursue individual needs.

Or, you can be a total obnoxious ass like me and your spouse will be more than happy to send you away for many days at a time

Both of you came in as individual persons with interests that may not totally mesh with the other. But this is part of the "whole" that each of you fell in love with. Would you buy a table that you liked, and then break a leg off when you brought it home? If either of you tries to suppress the other's pursuit of self actualization, then you take away part of the person that you love. In the end, it leads to resentment and likely destruction of the relationship. Talk to each other about your feelings and what each of you need to be whole.

28 years and two adult children have taught me something, but not enough to draw a path for someone. Every relationship is a bushwhack. The suggestions provided by me and the others on this board are the map, compass and GPS. It's up to you to find your way.

Best of luck.

 

[trailbiscuit]

Danielle says lucky...I say cursed...I can never get rid of her!!!
(As you can see, don't take any advice from me...I'm not that bright.)