I Am the King of Putting My Foot in My Mouth

[grouseking]

Here is a question for you all...Have you ever stuck your foot completely in your mouth while on the trails? Just imagine, you walk along, say something really offensive (George Carlin-esque) just to find a bible school group around the corner, leaving you in complete embarassment. I know its happened to me. I recently recited a George Carlin bit on the trails (definitely can't repeat it here), looked up and saw about 10 kids and their parents. All I got was dirty looks. It was an accident, but sometimes I forget that I'm not the only one in the woods.

So, any good stories, that can be mentioned anyways? I'm very curious.

grouseking

 

[Pete_Hickey]

Tell them that you are swuffering from tourette's syndrome

 

[1ADAM12]

I can remember back in the mid 90's a buddy and I were climbing Haystack in the Adirondacks. We were on the shoulder of Marcy before we started to descend in the col between Marcy and Haystack when my buddy shouted out discouraged "man we have more F'ing snow to go through" We made the corner and here comes a Dad and 2 kids. He politley said I heard that with a smile.

 

[David Metsky]

Moved to General Backcountry.

-dave-

 

[Dugan]

I used to hike with an intact male Great Pyrenees who insisted on peeing like a girl (i.e. squatting instead of lifting a leg). One day, as he was adding to the mud, I told him, "You pee like a girl". A guy came around a curve in the trail, laughing.

Not quite foot in mouth, but funny.

 

[--M.]

Last year, a friend and I hiked from Franconia Ridge to Mt. Madison, hitting as many peaks as possible along the way. The first day is a big one, going from Falling Waters to the Garfield Ridge tentsites, with very limited water during the latter two-thirds of the day. To be candid, I was all-in by the time we hit camp.

We were squeezed in nicely with a couple of tent-pads of pre-teen boys and their dads, visited soon thereafter by the caretaker with an LNT game to play. [Say this last part loud and fun to gear up the kids!] Well, I was in no mood. Fortunately, she had only the kids in mind and let us be to set up camp and get some food going.

On the trail the next morning (and feeling like I might actually make it to Guyot), I was remarking my gratitude on the caretaker's astute sensitivities, to wit, that "...no f-ing way was I going to play Duck-Duck-Goose fire-safety at that particular hour," when my buddy mentioned that she was right behind us (headed for Franconia Brook).

I was a little more aware from that f-ing hour on.

--M.

 

[blacknblue]

Saying stupid things, scratching various bodies parts, burping, farting.... You name it, I've done it just as someone came walking around the corner on the trail. That someone, more often than not, is an attractive female, looking at me like I'm an idiot.

 

[Boots]

We love...

Not hiking but rafting a few years back up on the Penobscott. After every rapid another group would yell out "We love Cheez its"? So we decided to make our mantra "we love beer" (at least we were being honest). Well at the end of the runs there guide whom we had come to know pretty well came over and told us the "Church group" was not yelling we love cheez its but We love Jesus.....

 

[grouseking]

Not hiking but rafting a few years back up on the Penobscott. After every rapid another group would yell out "We love Cheez its"? So we decided to make our mantra "we love beer" (at least we were being honest). Well at the end of the runs there guide whom we had come to know pretty well came over and told us the "Church group" was not yelling we love cheez its but We love Jesus.....

Oh my "GOD" thats too much!

As I hike Cardigan from the state park side tomorrow I'm sure I will do something stupid...like open my mouth.

grouseking

 

[Seeker]

Not hiking but rafting a few years back up on the Penobscott. After every rapid another group would yell out "We love Cheez its"? So we decided to make our mantra "we love beer" (at least we were being honest). Well at the end of the runs there guide whom we had come to know pretty well came over and told us the "Church group" was not yelling we love cheez its but We love Jesus.....

ROTFLMAO!!! Oh man, that is too much!

I'm not sure I've been caught talking out of turn (that I know of) but there was the time that an SO (at the time) and I were hiking a Vt 4000er and heard a rather explicit conversation about the female anatomy between two young women hikers before we saw them on the trail. Thankfully for all of us, they had no idea that we had heard anything. heh.

It was ear opening for me about how I should watch my own conversations on the trail.

 

[ROCKYSUMMIT]

I've always had perfect timing, and one hike comes to mind. A few years back I had an early start after a two day dumping of snow on Hunter mtn., and hadn't seen a soul all morning. After breaking through deep powder, traveling above 3500 ft, and having the whole mountain to myself, I suddenly got the call to nature. I saw off trail to my left what looked like a large boulder and decided to "run for it" as quickly as possible in that direction. As anyone who snowshoes knows, it can become a pretty frantic excersize to get yourself "together" with the deep snow, snow shoe tails behind you and so on. Just as I was in my most vulnerable and embarrasing position... a lady hiker comes down from uphill ( in fresh powder and suddenly noticing fresh tracks in front and to her right ) and is looking in my direction...WHERE DID SHE COME FROM?...That's how I found out that you can get a really good head start from a fairly short trail from the top of the ski lifts.

 

[Tom Rankin]

Not that I heard anything uncouth, but 2 of my friends were climbing almost a mile behind me 2 winters ago and I could hear every word they were saying. So remember, your words may carry a lot farther than you think!

 

[Double Bow]

I hope he doesn't mind my sharing this story...

Last year, as our group was decending Liberty after the Flags on the 48 ceremony, Drewski is telling us a story. He gets to one part where the person he's quoting yelled "F- you!", just as we reach the bike path and a Menonite family walks by...

I didn't say it but I was damn embaressed to be coming out of the woods AHEAD of him! I don't doubt that they prayed for my soul that night.

 

[NewHampshire]

So remember, your words may carry a lot farther than you think!

Quite true, and also the source of some discomfort for me. A person not-to-be-named that I was hiking with on Carrigain would watch as ladies passed us by on the trail, and while they had just barely disappeared from sight would comment on.....um....their chest area, if you get my drift. I dont know if they heard said persons comments, but I sure felt a little uncomfortable .

Brian

 

[swamp]

About 2 years ago in the spring a friend and I hiked Chocorua and Paugus. It was a long cold wet day and I was dragging tail as I made it out to the trailhead. I drove to Hancock campground and found an open site. As I was dragging wet gear out of a wet truck in the rain and not looking forward to making camp a young lady from the group next door came over and asked if I was hungry. I couldn't believe my luck. For the next couple of hours I sat by their nice warm fire as we ate ,drank a few beers , and had great conversation. As it turned out they were fellow Rhode Islanders. As the conversation turned to camping gear I felt it my duty to warn my fellow RI'ers to " never go to the EMS in Cranston because that store sux."

Apparently my gracious hosts were on an employee trip from the EMS in Cranston......

 

[Grumpy]

A few years ago, daughter Prima Donna Grumpy and I climbed Cascade and Porter from Rte 73 in the Adirondacks.

On the way over to Porter, in the col where the trail zig-zags around a huge boulder or outcrop, we had an incident. Approaching this section we heard a hidden female voice utter some choice scatological and sexual expletives. Turning the corner, quite to our amazement we encountered a perfectly respectable looking 30-something woman and her two early teen kids. Hubby was trailing behind. She became very red of face and cast her eyes downward, muttering something like “I don’t usually talk that way …,“ while the kids struggled to contain their mirth.

“It’s OK,” I assured her. “We’re both adults and have heard that kind of thing before.”

PDG and I were a lot more careful with our own conversations on the trail after that moment.

G.

 

[Whiteman]

Foot in Mouth Specialist

OK, it wasn't on the trail, but it was my best foot-in-mouth event so I can't resist telling it.

We are at Town Meeting, very sparsely attended, and a zoning issue is up for discussion. The Finance Commission chairman gets up to speak against it. I lean over to my buddy, and whisper (OK I have a loud whisper) "That guy has always been a dick in my book."

The woman in front of us turns around and says, "That is my husband."

OOPS

 

[SAR-EMT40]

OK, it wasn't on the trail, but it was my best foot-in-mouth event so I can't resist telling it.

We are at Town Meeting, very sparsely attended, and a zoning issue is up for discussion. The Finance Commission chairman gets up to speak against it. I lean over to my buddy, and whisper (OK I have a loud whisper) "That guy has always been a dick in my book."

The woman in front of us turns around and says, "That is my husband."

OOPS

My response would have been simply. "Then you should know better than most and you have my sympathies."

KR

 

[sierra]

one fine day I was leading a rockclimb on Cathedral ledge, suffering from a hangover after a night drinking Jeagermiester (sp) every time I leaned down to fiddel in some gear my head pounded like heck, at some point i yelled down to my belayer. " no wonder the germans lost the war" believe it or not the next route over was being climbed by visiting german climbers who quickly let me know they where germans. after my apology we all agreed on the affects of jeagermiester in the end

 

[Periwinkle]

From the Queen of Foot in Mouth

It's like a disease with me -- I say perfectly innocent things that just come out all wrong all the time. What's up with that?!?!

Never mind that I curse like a fishwife when annoyed. Which can happen now and again while hiking….

My most recent spew on the trail was a verbal fit at a trail junction at midnight.

As I was trying to check my trail directions, moths kept pinging off my headlamp. It was pissing me off. So, alone in the dark woods (or so I thought), I started cussing out the moths with death threats, loudly and foully. It made me feel better and had the imaged bonus of warding off any other night creatures.

It wasn’t until I was headed out on the following morning that I found three young ladies had been camped near the trail junction. During the night, they had been awoken and disturbed by muttered curses.

A crisis of ethics ensued – let them wonder or fess up? Since I had been pretty well freaked out night hiking by myself and triumphed with a single frog encounter, I figured I’d better confess and ease their minds. Pretty freakin’ embarrassing, but pretty funny in the light of day: My most fearsome night creature encountered was a single innocent frog; the three ladies encountered me!

All in all, same lesson learned: Watch your language, even if you think you’re alone!