Family 1st, hiking 2nd, lesson learned

[DeadFred]

Doc,

Every time I see and read your avatar it makes me thirsty.

 

[coldfeet]

Wow, I wonder if there's less hikes this weekend because of this thread...sorry

TJH said it pretty good, those reports can drive a person green wanting to be part of the team. My wife of 20 years is really great! My 3 children are healthy and 2/3 of them like camping. My wife is a big faker, she says she likes camping but she does it for me and the kids.

Single, married, divorced, as long as your happy and don't forget family and friends (who don't hike) there should be a balance. I tipped the balance this weekend and messed up. I'm glad it bothers me, makes me think more. Now i'm thinking about more family camping trips like i used to, instead of the "list".

Reading those threads was pretty good therapy for me, I owe you guys..I'm packing for a scout trip and i'll help out the kids. I'll stare out the window and look up and think about the trail hikers and bushwackers..I still think bushwacking is nuts!

PS..This website is fantastic, keep writing, great reading the stories!

Good luck on your search Harry! A peak wedding, I'm sure that's happened already.

 

[ALGonquin Bob]

Coldfeet,
I know that your post was serious, so I'll share some thoughts with you. For the past 3 years or so, I've been making the 5-6 hour drive to the Adirondacks at least once a month. At first, my wife wasn't happy about it, but I got her to go with me sometimes. Of course, I didn't give up a high peak hike to stay in town with her, but we went in-between my other hikes.

Last June, on my trip to finish the ADK46, we were camped at Rollins Pond (near Upper Saranac) and were fortunate enough to have the best 4 days of weather I've ever experienced there. The Mrs. is hooked on the Adirondacks now (particularly Rollins Pond campground), and together with a couple friends (and me), has set her sights on getting a "Fire tower" patch. She's working on a list, and she LOVES snowshoeing! Just last weekend, we hiked up 4 Adirondack fire tower "peaks". I gave up a high peak winter weekend to do that with her, and I had fun too.

I only wish that my own interest in hiking had begun soon enough to have interested my daughter in the mountains. She's a city girl now, and all grown up. Her most recent comment to me, regarding my wife's new outdoor interests, was "you got one of us; you're not getting us both!" So keep taking your son on hikes, and get the little ones up there when they're ready.

You're a good man, Coldfeet!

 

[Peakbagr]

After years and years of being out almost every weekend, I took a long break from hiking when my kids got into activities and sports. I still kept up sporadic trips out west, and the occasional family hike, but coaching 4 sports and attending all of their activities kept me away from serious hiking for over 12 years.
The turning point came was when I had to decide whether finishing the 111W after completing the W46 was going to be worth being away every winter weekend for years, and I made the choice. While I sometimes think about what I missed in the mountains, I never regreted the family choice.

You only have 1 set of kids. Some children really get into hiking, and if they don't, the mountains will still be there when they fly the nest.

 

[Puma concolor]

Family, the outdoors, career ... all important. Take one out of the mix and I'm no good for the other two. Need money for the outdoors and to provide for the wife and kids; need the outdoors for my sanity; and family is just so hugely important that you can hardly put it into words.

Enjoyable thread.

 

[Neil]

If you're young and are starting a career and family and lament the atrophy of your hiking muscles read on and take soloace.

When I turned 25 I turned my back to the Canadian Rockies, went to school, started a career/business and a family of three kids. Not a day went by that I didn't yearn for hiking and scrambling or wonder if I had made a mistake. I made a few trips back west every 3 or 4 years and worked hard, coached soccer etc. A good move was getting the family into downhill skiing. At least I got out every year for a week long winter camping trip in Quebec. (I'll never forget being overweight and out of shape on one or two of those trips.)

Now I'm almost 49 and my middle son (age 16) and I are only a few summits shy of our father-son 46 and have started the 46-W. I've got a lot more time for hiking than my friends who remained in the rockies. In fact, they don't hike any more even though they live right there.

It took me 20 years to get going again but I made it to the High Peaks area at least once in every month over the past year and have been 7 times since christmas. My son and I are going for a 4 day peakbagging trip this coming weekend and will probably close out solar winter with a Dix Range attempt.

 

[Puck]

The joys of being single and Indian and female and 30 !!!!

sli74

Not a good statement Seema
If our wives and girlfriends ever lurk on this site they could see this. What would they think? "I know why you go hiking all the time! The mountains are full of young, single exotic women! You told me you like the solitude in the mountains. You lied...."

 

[sli74]

Sorry Puck . . . no worries for them though . . . us "exotic" women are EXTREMELY few . . . .

And plus, if they are lurking on this site, maybe you have a chance to get them out there with you after all ?

sli74

 

[coldfeet]

See, I should have gone to Texas!

1. Scout trip was fun but cxled 1 day early due to storm coming in, they didn't want to take a chance of driving problems. I took 5 boys for a short 1 1/2 hour hike, it's their campground in the catskills so they sort of led me, but i conned them into getting off their "tucas" and moving.

2. Snowed app 5-6 in wet snow here and i plowed 3 houses because they are vacationing in the tropics and i'm here.

3. I fed 2 cats, cleaned litter box , fed a really big iguana and fed my friends salt water fish.

4. Watered lots of plants with a small container, took about 8 trips back and forth.

5. Messed up scout pictures, they came out with a blue tint, trying to fix them.

6. Gotta clean up and get to the airport in a few hours.

7. Learned my lesson, missed family!

 

[Pucknuts61]

Hi Coldfeet,
A lot of these posts on this thread hit home with me too, and I completely understand where you're coming from.
Like Peakbagr, I have returned to hiking after a couple year hiatus to raise a family. I used to go out a couple times a month, and when I wasn't hiking, I was planning the next trip, reading the guide books, or checking the latest and greatest gear. EMS Bargain Basement was my second home.
Then I met my wife and had the kids and thought my life was now complete, so I gave up my hiking days to be a dad and husband.
Unfortunately, I felt that something very important to my physical and mental well being was missing, and I am glad that I have returned to the trails.

Each of us have some form of escapism that keeps us going and you need to express this to your wife so she understands what a critical part of the balance in your life this is.
Some people fish, some play sports, some just kick back and read....all of which are their way of leaving the day-to-day grind we constantly face to go to our own nirvana and get away from the pressures even for a few fleeting hours.
Raising a family in todays society is a struggle and we are constantly pulled in all directions to "make it work", but being stressed too much isn't healthy either. It doesn't do you or your family any justice if you are totally stressed all the time, but on the other hand it doesn't do any good if you're not there for them either.

Try cutting a deal....explain the importance of hiking to your mental well being, and then see if you can work on a 2-times-a-month hiking deal, but let her know which days you are planning well in advance (yes, I know things change when it comes to hiking plans, but we're just starting here).
This will give her piece of mind that she knows when you'll be there for family activities (and when you won't), plus it gives you peice of mind that you have something to look forward too and work towards.
Honest communication will be your key to keeping your life in balance.
All the best!
Bill

PS Take Puck's advice too....just in case.
PSS MarkS, I think this is what you were trying to say.....maybe.

 

[Maddy]

The joys of being single and Indian and female and 30 !!!!
sli74

Seema...you go girl.
Parents are suppose to say things like that. They love to worry about their offspring settling down. It's their job and they take it very seriously.
I have two very close friends who are 29/31 respectively.
I have known them since they were toddlers. One dated a young woman for years and it didn't work out. She shared very few of his interests.
Recently both of these avid mountaineers and kayakers met wonderful women. Would you believe this all happened in the Whites!!!
One couple recently bought land in the Northeast Kingdom and they are exploring Ecuador.
The other two have moved to Washington State and hike, etc almost daily. They have all had incredible adventures in the mountains. One of the young women lived in a tepee in the Whites for a solid year.
Just keep doing what your doing. You sound like you are really enjoying yourself. I to think that you are in the best place and doing all the right things.

 

[BrentD22]

It's funny that this post came to my attention now...

Saturday night as I lay in my sleeping bag in the Jim Liberty Cabin alone I had an odd feeling that I couldn't figure out. It was part boredom with no one to talk to and nothing stimulating to read and part empty. The next day hiking down after summiting I figured out what the feeling was. I love being out in the mountains so much, but I realized that the people I love could not take part in this experiance with me. Right then I decided that before the end of the year I will bring one of my loved ones on a trip, maybe 2 or even 3.

 

[Puma concolor]

Yeah Pucknuts, that is what I was trying to say. You just did a better job of it. If only the NHL and NHLPA could exhibit as much wisdom as you ...

But seriously, when I got married and started a family, I gave up a lot (as did my wife) but it's impossible to sacrifice a part of your identity - which is what the outdoors is to me. I may not spend as much time on the trails as I once did, but I still get exicted about my next hiking, biking or skiing trip to the point where I'm always thinking about it.

 

[Sparky]

Balance

The key is balance (work, family, activites/hobbies and goals). It's different for everyone, you'll know when you find the right mix.

 

[Barbarossa]

I fed 2 cats, cleaned litter box , fed a really big iguana and fed my friends salt water fish.

Did your friends enjoy the salt water fish?

Learned my lesson, missed family!

I missed my wife on Sunday so I walked back to the car instead of searching for a 'shortcut'.

 

[coldfeet]

That was a good on Barbarossa! Did go out yesterday with my daughter (9) in the slusshy snow here in LI, her first hike with snow shoes on other than in the backyard. Short trip app 1-2 miles to a soccer field, where we had a snow ball fight, she won! I let her wear the compass and showed her "red fred in the shed" she kept on taking readings along the trip, in the car and in costo (Sam's)..we're doing the same thing again today but maybe a little longer.

 

[KayakDan]

All I can say when I read this thread is"I am the luckiest guy outdoors!"
I am fortunate to be married to a woman who,upon my urging,backpacks the Whites in winter,camps year round,sea kayaks in some pretty big conditions,xc skiis(with a backpack-in winter),and will take on just about any hairbrained adventure I can dream up. Our outdoor togetherness is a one of the major things that makes our marriage so great. Sometimes I may put her into situations where she feels overwhelmed(Eisenhower this past weekend)but she never quits,never complains,and always guts it out to the finish.
One rule I have set with her-if it's too much-or it's not fun anymore-we pull the plug. The last thing I want is for her to develop a dislike for any of our activities.
After she has done something that pushed her limits,I remind her that she has expanded her ability,and to look back a few years. She speaks with a grin about the trips that seemed awful at the time.
The whole secret is start slow-find something that your SO will enjoy,and as you add to that activity-make sure it's always fun!
For my own part,even though she has said she's ok with me doing "bigger stuff" on my own,I won't step on the trail unless she's with me.
Did I mention she started backpacking and sea kayaking at age 50?
May you all be as fortunate as me!

 

[Pucknuts61]

1736 people are wondering if she has a sister.

 

[KayakDan]

Pucknuts-yeah,she does..but trust me...you don't wanna go there!

 

[SherpaKroto]

As the current president of the "Marriage Continuation Program" (an Arm-ism), this subject comes up often. Fortunately I don't get out much at all, so it's not a problem (ok, even I don't believe that BS). My wife's idea of roughing it in the outdoors is sitting on a dock instead of at the beach. The first thing she wanted in our cabin when we finally bought it (after 15 years of searching) was air conditioning. How did we search for this cabin? In a 28 foot Airline trailer, camping every weekend. She once spent over 100 days in Maine in one camping season! I still can't figure out what changed...

It's a constant balancing act, made only worse by the past year's injuries (I've heard "it's a young man's game" way too many times). While she says she understands my obsession, she really has no idea how deep it goes.

All I can say is when you are together, make the most of those times. She might surprise you and tell you to go out hiking. Of course, then you'll be on the trail wondering "I wonder why she wanted me to go hiking?

Listen to your inner voice. When it cries out too loudly, make sure you listen. Deep down you know what it says is true.

David: one thing to remember. I'm 49, my oldest is 21, youngest is 16. I did not hike one new peak from 5/4/76 to 7/9/99. The mountains will still be there when the time is right.