Family 1st, hiking 2nd, lesson learned

[MadRiver]

I hear you KayakDan.

My best hiking buddy is my wife. We both did the 48’s together and she matched me step for step. The only down side is that she prefers to ski in the winter and not hike, so I take a Friday off occasionally and go hiking with my friend John, who also skis with us.

It is comforting to not only have a spouse that shares your love of the outdoor, but having a friend who does as well is nothing short of a gift from God. In the winter, my wife and I ski with John and his wife Paula every Saturday and Sunday. Come spring we hang up the skis and go hiking every weekend. Although Paula doesn’t hike, she understands what it means to John and openly encourages his participation. If you look up the term Salt of the Earth, you will see her picture.

Family does not have to be blood related. Family are the people closest to you and make life worth living.

 

[J Bone]

Coldfeet - I hear ya, I have only been into the hiking/backpacking thing for about a year or two now, but I feel like I've never been addicted to something so much. I can spend hours upon hours on the internet reading these forums, checking out/buying gear, looking at maps, etc...etc......

I am even more into it now having just come back from my 1st winter trip in the 'daks....great time and realize how much I love it and how much I still have to learn and be aware of. At least you have kids already and from what I read you seem to have them attuned to the outdoors with hiking/cub scouts, etc. I'm sure I'll have to take a year "hiatus" or so when my wife and I have kids, and I also hope they will take an interest in the outdoors (wishful thinking) This way I can take off for a backpacking trip and take/watch the kids at the same time!!

My wife has no interest in camping/outdoors, the closest she gets to hiking is walking from one end of a shopping mall to the other!! That's why I joined the ADK, VFTT, etc. to find people with like interests...

I agree with Pucknuts - everyone has to have a "balance" of family/work/play.

This way I can take off for a backpacking trip and take/watch the kids at the same time!!

Pucknuts......keep a good eye on your wife!!

 

[J Bone]

Correction

Kayak Dan .....keep a close eye on your wife!!

 

[Toe Cozy]

So it sounds like it's mostly men who have spouses or SOs who give them a hard time about always doing the outdoor thing. Or am I wrong? Are there any women on this site who feel pressured to "find a balance" between their SO, their family and their obsession withoutdoor pursuits? It seems so one sided. Or at least the women on this site seem to either have SOs who also like outdoor stuff a lot or else women who are single. My worry is that women with families, careers, husbands don't have the luxury of having an obsession like this.

For the guys who have chimed in: I think it fines to justify our hiking/outdoor obsessions by saying that "i need to do this for my sanity. We all need to have other interests and time away to escape from the daily stuff"...etc, etc...as long as it goes both ways. Do you offer to give your spouse or SO the same opportunities to have that freedom occasionally too. Hopefully the answer is:"yes, once a month I dutifully take on the complete responsibilities for the house/pets/kids/cars/whatever so that my spousal unit can attend the monthly meeting of dollhouse enthusiasts for the entire weekend, also allowing her time to plan, obsessively talk about and pack her dollhouse paraphenalia for the entire week before said trip without giving her any reason to have a guilty conscience for being so addicted to this crazy dollhouse business." My point is, sometimes we ask a lot from people who want us around more and don't really understand why we do what we do. We should always remember to appreciate that.

Anyway, are there any women on this site with children, SOs who don't like outdoor stuff and jobs that cause them to feel guilt or the need to find balance between those things and the outdoor pursuits? How do you handle it? I feel like we've just heard from the guys. Ladies, I hope you're out there! Give me hope....

 

[daxs]

F Here. My SO likes the outdoors to an extent. He will mountain bike ride, kayak and has done some short summer and winter hikes with me. I make my plans, ask if he wants to come, but if he doesn't oh well. I keep my plans and go hiking. I have no children to be concerned about. I am at the stage in my life (46) where I am going to do what I want to do and am not going to obsess about hurting my SO feelings. He knew what he was getting into when we starting dating - a very independent woman who loves to hike. My problem is balancing my hiking with my paying job all the volunteer work I do.

 

[lamerunner]

Yes we are here fitting many of the criteria, just haven't figured out the answer yet.... except it helps if you can hike really fast... We have two careers, four kids betweeen us (two are my stepchildren and are now college age), the other two ages 11 and 5) and we both like hiking , skiing etc but I am far more interested in climbing, winter hiking and other such foolishness.

We are blessed in that we live in southern NH so it is possible to take one day off work and hike. I rarely hike on the weekends though, except the occasional half day hike while my daughter is ski training. I do not get out nearly as often as I would like.

I am basically the logistics queen in terms of the kids' schedules

The good news is that my daughter is a ski racer and my son at 5 is a very good skiier, so we are out together, and now that he can ski for real, it is not a big sacrifice for one of us to ski with hiim while the other hikes, works a ski race or goes to the office. My daughter is also a strong hiker and good climber. I have taken her on hut hikes about once a year for several years, and this year I will probably take my son also.

We hike together on occasion, but we compete with soccer in the Spring and Fall, and as my son gets old enough , there will be other sports probably. I would like to do more of that now that the kids are getting older and stronger.

The hardest time for child hiking is the 3-6 age. Too heavy to carry very far and often too young to walk far on their own power. you discover interesting waterfalls and 3000 footers.

I have not gotten into the list thing though I have in fact hiked many of the 4000 footers and I sometimes consider that in terms of where i will do a hike.
There is no way I could get out on multiple weekends the way some here seem to. and yes I am jealous, but kids grow up very fast.

Most of the hiking I do is alone and a bit rushed. I hike on the semi-holidays or ocassionally take a day off and go.

So no great answers; be creative, get the kids out when you can and stay in shape for the golden years!
We have taken a few family trips to hike mostly, and often, one or both of us will get a climb in also. Money and scheduling are the challenges there.

 

[Pete_Hickey]

Parents are suppose to say things like that. They love to worry about their offspring settling down. It's their job and they take it very seriously.

Oh oh.. Guess I'm not a good parent. I've been telling my youngest, "Go on, Spend your summers living in a tent in the mopuntains. Take 6 months travelling in Thailand. School and life can wait.".. And I told my oldest to run off to Nepal for a while. Enjoy it while you can.

Nope. I'm not a good parent.

 

[Pucknuts61]

Hi Toe Cozy,
I will tell you honestly that I have tried to get my wife interested in a number of things....from piano lessons to Great Chef's of New Orleans cooking lessons...I've tried car camping (1 night...that was it!), and I've tried biking....skating....skiing...you name it, I've tried, all to no avail.
Instead, she's at the mall with J Bone's wife.....and let's me do my thing because she does understand.
But I compromise....a couple days a month I hike and the rest of the time I'm cleaning the bathroom, updating the house, doing laundry...all to make things a little easier for her so she isn't as stressed.
As disappointing as it is that we don't have a lot of common interests, we've figured out a plan so both of us are content.....for 18 + years

 

[lamerunner]

I am hoping one of the kids will become a proficient enough alpinst to haul me up bid peaks when I am ancient!!

 

[coldfeet]

thread moved?

Hello, me again..How did this thread move?..I put it in the other section not to make a big deal, just wanted to talk to someone..hey sli, are there really 1700 members? So much for keeping low..

I quietly told my wife that next summer (06) i was only going to work 1/2 of the summer and take the family vacationing. No answer from her, wonder if she heard me while she was sleeping? I'll try again tonight, maybe put the headphones on her with subliminal (sp) mesasages. BUT she said she would try hiking if i carried a toilet!

I think if she went with my daughter they could "seperate" together and be ok with it. I'd like to take her on a ADK group hike with other ladies so she can feel more comfortable. Unfortunatly due to a previous illness (heart) she is not in shape, and quits a few minutes into the hike. I have to keep it at sea level and get her comfortable. She likes fishing and bike riding so i'm trying to set up a short trip in april with rafting and biking.

Ladies, I did offer her a day at the spa but before i finished my sentence she guessed what i was up to!

PS my daughter choose not to go for a walk today because she wanted a friend, guess i'm out. Tomorrow we may hike in central park and see the "gates" with a friend.

Have a nice week, snow in forcast!

PS I'm staying off that Rainer thread, sounds cool, hope all goes well, i'll catch it one day (year)

pps, sorry, i'm signing my friend up for the catskill canister for his birthday, good way to get him involved!

 

[poison ivy]

Anyway, are there any women on this site with children, SOs who don't like outdoor stuff and jobs that cause them to feel guilt or the need to find balance between those things and the outdoor pursuits? How do you handle it?

Yup, I'm married to a guy who really doesn't have the passion for hiking that I have and sometimes it's difficult for me to remember there has to be balance. He comes with me once in a while -- just enough to remind him that hiking isn't really his thing.

I'm extremely lucky that even though my hubby doesn't enjoy hiking like I do, he is extremely supportive and has spent hours driving to trail heads picking me up and encouraging me to hike as often as I can. We often joke that he's the only husband in the world who encourages me to meet strange men on the Internet and head out into the woods with them.

We're also lucky that we both have extremely odd work schedules (and no kids) so we manage to see each other a lot during the week. He also loves to tear our house apart & "improve it" and it's better that I'm not home for that process, so sending me on a backpacking trip gives him the perfect opportunity. Dave does occaisionally ask that I stay home for a weekend (or we have family stuff we have to attend) and I do... though sometimes it kills me when I'm missing a perfect hiking day.

Like others have said, Dave realizes that being outdoors is essential for me and if he finds I'm getting cranky, often says "you need to go out hiking."

Anyway, this is turning into a long ramble. I hadn't posted before because I don't have much advice to add. I thank my lucky stars that my husband understands why I need to do this & supports me. It takes a lot of communication & a whole bunch of compromise but it works for us.

- Ivy

 

[percious]

Interesting thread. I have seen variations on it before.

Balance and Communication are key. Making an agreement and sticking to it is what works for Emily and I. Our deal. 6 times a year I can go off and do my own thing. 6! ... If I take our son, I can go whenever I want, he loves the ride... If we can fly her down to MD to visit family, we do that when I am supposed to be away.

So, I do a lot of dayhikes with my son strapped on. A few times a year, I take him car camping, and when I convince a friend to haul 2x his usual gear, I will be able to take him backpacking. At least this year he can walk a little bit.

Result. Wife gets some much needed time away from mothering. I get to hike overnight, pretty much 1x a month. And Em. gets valuable time with her family. This all seems to work for us, but it may not work for everyone. I have a very understanding wife.

-percious

 

[sierra]

wait a minute!!!!!!!!!!!!

sli74,
First off I cant believe your single here's my pitch. Im 40, single and live to climb (proboly why Im single). I climb/hike 200+ days a year, can carry a 90 lb load fairly well, function very well at 14,000ft, can cook like Emeril in 1 pot, have seen so much wildlife I can communicate with most creatures met on the trail, can scurry up class 4 terrain like mountain goat, can navigate by instinct 99% of the time off trail, great truck for biviing at trailheads, enough clothes and gear for 5 people on hand, still think romance is alive, know fate guides me and all I do.
pm if interested, if not, it was still worth a try. Sierra.

 

[coldfeet]

Do i get some $ for setting up this matchmaking thread?
come on, found out today the little one needs braces and you know what the cost is!

PS Ivy, will you rent out Dave so he can work in my house while i hike with strangers on the web?

My wife and friends said "you know, they can kill you?", my response was "yep, that's the bad news, but the good news is i saved $ using Geico driving to the hike!"

 

[Puma concolor]

Toe Crazy -

You have it all wrong. It is my MOTHER who belongs to the Association of Dollhouse Enthusiasts. She has been working on the same house for the last 20 years and it is actually quite amazing. My daughter has taken quite a shine to it recently.

As for my wife, absolutely yes, she pursues her own interests as well but she's not obsessive about any one thing like us wackos ... it's a little of this and a little of that. It all works out and everyone is happy (he said confidently as she walked out the door ).

 

[Pete_Hickey]

Hmmmm... It happens frequently. I go out hiking leaving my wife home to paint a room in the house. I'm going away for a 5 day trip in a few days, and I'll come back to find the living room and dining room painted.. Walls and ceiling!

 

[the starchild]

wow, i never fully realized how much y'all hike and can't believe all the addiction references. i'm out locally weekly and north monthly....what am i doing with the rest of my time?!?!?! i need to be puttin' more miles on my van.
i don't think i have ever missed any important events due to hiking, but the trips themselves are important events to me.

i guess i've been pretty lucky as my mom has always been super supportive and enjoyed seeing photos and hearing wild tales of weather, mountains and adventures. i've also seemed to have always dated someone who already atleast had an intrest in the outdoors and was already, or willing and soon enjoying backpacking and lots of time outside hiking or paddling. i couldn't imagine being with someone without the same passion and respect for the outdoors as i have. i mean i love BBQing cuz its cooking outside! i've never thought of this as an addiction or anything negative, its just natural. however, i am worried about the fact i just bought a pair of 1meter freeheeled ski's and there may be a hiking vs skiing conflict brewing.....

coldfeet, just my humble 2cents. it seems like you made a mistake and realized it and have made amends. it doesn't seem like a great idea to just stop hiking, as all have said, its all about balance. or as a sayin' at the green parrot "excess in moderation" we can all find the right balance in our lives of passions, loves and responsibities.

does most everyone here hike every weekend? is it the need to hike or just the need to be outside exploring, adventuring and climbing?

oh yeah, 29 and single

 

[adkpooh]

Family 1st

This is an interesting thread....as my only New Years Resolution this year was to "find balance". I have the outdoor significant other....but the 2 of us work really bizarre schedules, it is difficult to get away without alot of fan fare and planning (even to get the same day off in a week much less planning a vacation)! I think he is a little less "addicted" than I am. When I am willing to go into hock and call in sick from Lake Placid in order to make a long weekend....sometimes he will point out the things that we really need done around the house or garage ....or that money is tight...(I'll charge that tank of gas...eat PB&J's for a week.....if we are talking HIKING!!) We do not have children....but....I do have a full time job....and a part-time job......and a terribly sick parent that I literally visit daily after work to help out(if not the guilt is overwhelming)...assorted life-long friends that absolutely do not hike and will get a little grumpy when they realize in conversation that you've been to the adirondacks twice in the last 4 months, yet..have only seen them once. Did I mention that I love mountains.? My tiny cubilcle at work is covered in photos of my favorites....I spend an excessive amount of time daydreaming and trip planning when I am supposed to actually be working(DO NOT TELL THE BOSS!!!!) I lurk the web late at for trail conditions for places I won't see in a couple months...when I should actually be sleeping.

I have to admit I am having a terrible time trying to find a way to fit it all in....even difficulty getting out locally on a trail or for some exercise to keep my behind from getting too large to make it to the top of the next mountain. I am feeling a little torn in every direction- other than the direction that I prefer to go in....UP. When someone figures out this balance thing....PLEASE let me know!!!

 

[SherpaKroto]

Ha! You guys will have to get in line to snag sli! And if you do, treat her right or you'll have her 1700 big brothers and sisters to deal with

Balance. My wife is very involved in charity work in the Supreme Emblem Club (affiliated with the Elks). She is running for 4th VP in September, a VERY expensive proposition for us. Should she win, she moves up one chair each year until she becomes Supreme President (or Supreme Being as I like to call it). During her Presidency, she will be away from home for about 10 of the 12 months. After that she will be gone about 8 weeks each year, every year. BTW, her Mom is a past Supreme President, so she has lots of support. How's that for balance?

 

[Puck]

Coldfeet is your avatar a pic of you standing in front of Macy's window during Christmas?